Can't I just get an oil change?

My car was 50 KM overdue for an oil change, so during my lunch hour I hopped to the closest Jiffy Lube for some fresh lubricant. So I go straight in, the guy there directs to the proper place, and jumps to open my door. Next thing I know he’s firing his memorized “ hi sir, are you here for our ‘signature service Quaker State’ oil change, or would you rather get the 100 K 5W30 oil this time”.

What? Is he trying to confuse me with letter-number combinations to the point where I’ll say “me no get it, you change thing” Well, I wasn’t going to give up that easily. I said to him “so what does the 100K oil do?” He says “it’s for cars with mileage over 100K.” Hmm, that explains it. At this point I’m starting to get skeptical here, so I say “no thanks I’ll stick to just regular oil this time.” A disappointed look was showing on his face.

So they start pumping oil in, and they start on their 10 billion point “inspection.” Then, what seems to be the manager comes up to me and says “we checked under the hood and everything looks good, except…” (I start thinking to my self, here we go again) “we noticed an oil leak, possibly caused by worn gaskets. He continues, "for $9.99 we can add a sealant to your engine which ‘could’ fix the problem.” I tell him “I’m going to get a tune-up soon, and I’ll have my mechanic look at it” (not a lie BTW). The dude doesn’t give up “but the mechanic will probably replace the gaskets and that will be a few hundred dollars.”

At this point I’m thinking, get off my ass and change the damn oil! Holy crap, can a person get his oil changed without mechanical advice from a high school dropout?! But instead of saying that I told the guy “I appreciate the advice, but I’d rather try a more permanent solution to the problem” (assuming it exists). At this point you think he’ll stop right? WRONG.

He then pulls out his last weapon and starts again "this is a chart showing the regular maintenance recommended by Honda, and the industry standard. As you can see they recommend changing the transmission oil every 48,000, the fuel filter…blah blah blah". Then randomly “Oh look at that, looks like you fuel filter hasn’t been changed in a while.” At this point I’m probably unconsciously making a “shut the hell up” face. He looks at me and says “Well I’ll jot down the prices anyway just so you could think about it.” How nice of him to do that. So I tell him “I’ll make sure I’ll have my mechanic look under the hood, and change whatever needs to be changed. He works at Honda and he’s my buddy, so I trust him with my car.” He makes another disappointed face. Well, I’ll take care of your purchase for you. A minute later, he courteously opens the door for me and I drive off.

I have changed my oil numerous times, but I was never hassled that much before. It really pissed me off. According to Mr. Lube my car is so bad, it’s almost unsafe to drive and might blow up at any moment. I’m all about preventive and non preventive maintenance but not done by a guy who changes oil. When I want to get a repair done, I’ll ask a professional for help, not a grease monkey who spent 4 seconds looking at my car. Sheesh!

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