Office Talk

You know what show is awesome? The Office, haven’t seen the American version yet, but the British version is great. The Office, along with Office Space, are the best depiction of the type of people, and behaviour people that work in offices see everyday.

Part of what makes an office is “office talk,” which is made up of typical phrases, or conversation starters that seem to be repeated in every office. I’ll give you an example. The other day I walked into the washroom to see a person looking in the mirror, yawning with arms stretched wide. I myself yawn all the time, and I expect people to yawn as well. This person though, felt like he had to explain why he was yawning by saying (a very typical office phrase) “Ahh, it’s sleepy Monday”. I’m usually not an ass, but I smiled and said “Today’s actually Tuesday”. He then replied saying (another typical phrase) “Oh yeah, time passes by so fast.”

On another occasion, this past week I was called to the manager’s office where he said “We need you to make a presentation for a meeting next week…” and then he added the typical “and you have an hour to do it”… And who can forget the greetings? My desk happens to be near the end of the office. The office is a narrow design, so I have to go past everybody every morning. It takes me roughly 5 “good mornings” to get from the door to the desk. But I really can’t complain, it’s nice to hear a good morning and see a smile in the morning.

It’s also widely known that Mondays are sleepy and Fridays are happy (and sleepy on some occasions). Speaking of those two days, people, including myself tend to use these days as an excuse to working sloppily. On Monday, you’re expected to be tired from the weekend, and on Friday you’re expected to be worn out since it’s the end of the week. In fact the MFS (Monday/Friday syndrome) is so popular, people don’t even need to explain. For instance, someone will screw up and simply say “Ah it’s Monday.” No further explanation is needed, and that’s sweet. So really if you look at it there are only three days where you can’t complain. Wait...I’m digressing.

Back to office talk, there are two phrases that I can think of right now, that I’ve always wanted to say. The first is “I want this report on my desk tomorrow morning” and the other is the golden phrase “Let’s do lunch.” To me, “let’s do lunch” is the epitome of office talk. There’s the more inferior “Let’s discuss this over lunch” but that one has too many words, and it gives the impression that you have nothing else to do. “Let’s do lunch” is straight forward and quick. It’s demanding and yet professional, authoritative and yet respectful. It is golden. So go out there and practice your office talk, you never know when you’re going to be using it next.