Your Two-Step Guide to Small Talk

We’re all faced with those awkward moments in social settings where we are forced to make “small talk” with someone. These situations are abundant when one starts a new job, or at a party, or even while waiting in line at the supermarket. Sometimes we’re lucky enough to run into someone talkative and creating small talk is a breeze. At other times creating small talk is like pulling teeth.

Recently, I have had more than my fair share of awkward encounters. In some I was successful in taking the conversation from small talk to big talk, if you will, while in others the conversation just ended with a blank stare. I have always thought that it was much easier to be friendly than not. Some people, I have noticed, go to great lengths to avoid eye contact just to avoid saying hello. I could never wrap my head around that. A smile doesn’t hurt, and is far easier than pretending to be busy texting a friend. This is the same reason that I try to make small talk when I can, it is simply the easy way out.

But to make small talk one has to have a Swiss Army knife equivalent of conversation starters. There are universal things that all people love to talk/complain about. Talking about the weather is the easiest example. The weather impacts all of us, whether in the way it forces us to dress, or in how affects our commute to work. In Canada, the weather is a very passionate subject for many. People get quite animated about it and for good reason of course. Popular events are also a hit, but with this one a person needs to gauge their audience. The 55 year old HR manager might not keep up with the latest news from the R&B music scene, and similarly the lazy couch potato who keeps up with every sitcom on television might not know about the newest changes to auto insurance laws. It certainly helps to be informed in a wide-array of subject, because like a Swiss Army knife, you have to have be versatile and have the right line for the right time. But if you’re the sitcom-watching-couch potato or the 55 year old HR manager and you’re too lazy to read up on things then what do you do?

Well, worry no more, for I hae created a systematic method of creating small talk. Simply follow my two step program and put your hands and feet in cold water (Syrian idiom meaning relax). First, determine the time of the year. Second, use one of the lines provided. Allow me to example...

Christmas Time:

“Have you finished buying gifts yet?”

“Kids toys are so elaborate nowadays?” Could be followed up with “Back in my day...”

“Have you seen this new toy...”

“What do you think would make a good gift for an X year old girl?”

“The mall is crazy nowadays!”

“Why do people leave their shopping till last minute?”

After New Year:

“So what did you end up doing for NYE?”

“This is the only year we’re going to be alive for, where the last two digits are exactly double the first two” This is for the mathematically gifted, and only works in 2010. Next time you can use it, people of the future, is on 2211, 2412, 2613 etc.

“Did you see the fireworks downtown?” if they say “No” reply “Neither did I” at least it’ll get you a laugh.

If you’re comfortable with making dumb remarks, comment on people’s clothes saying “that was so last year” if they have a sense of humour it should lead to a conversation.

Valentine’s:

“You have to wonder how many teddy bears are sold each year on Valentines..”

“You know what I love Valentines? All the chocolate”

“Are you planning anything special?”

“Valentine’s day is such a scam!”

Spring time:

“Ahh, why did they have to change the time on us?!”

“I love seeing the trees come alive again”

“Planning any outdoors projects this spring?”

“Have you started your spring cleaning yet?”

Summer Time:

“Where are you going on vacation?”

“Do you enjoy camping?”

“I went on this really nice bike trail last weekend...”

“Did you end up going to the cottage this weekend?

Halloween:

“What are you dressing up as?”

“I saw this really funny/weird/awesome costume in the store?”

“Going to a Halloween party this year?”

Thanksgiving:

“Are you getting together with the family?”

“Making turkey this year?”

“Have you heard of deep fried turkeys? It’s getting popular in the US”

“So why are they called Turkeys? Did they come from Turkey? It must take them a long time to walk over here” You should get at least a pity laugh for this lame attempt at a Seinfeld joke.

Winter Time:

“How was the drive this morning?”

“Global warming my ass!” Requires a younger audience.

“Do people lose all driving skills during winter?”

“Have you heard of the series of snow storms we’re getting?”

All of the above are Canada biased, in case you couldn’t tell.

As you can see there are plenty of conversation starters at your disposal. You should never run into an awkward situation again. If you find yourself having trouble still, please email me and include the country you live in, major holidays, climate, and popular TV shows and we can go from there.