The Jurse

There is a lot that I hate about winter. The freezing temperatures, driving issues, lack of sunshine.. I can go on forever. But in the midst of darkness of winter a hidden positive comes to light. You see, unless you are in a man Europe, carrying a man’s purse (murse) is not fashionable. While Seinfeld took a stab at popularizing the European carryall, his effort led into nothing but a popular episode. Men still have to struggle carrying the necessary trio: a wallet, a cell phone, and keys . All of these things have to fit in two mere jean pockets, leaving most men with bulging pockets and depending on the thickness of their wallet, lack of circulation in the legs.

This is where winter comes in. With winter comes wearing heavy jackets, and jackets come lots of pockets. I can now carry my wallet, keys, cell, and even a pack of gum and extra Kleenex, all while keeping my jean pockets free. Of course, my jacket can’t compare to a woman’s purse in terms of capacity and variety of items, which from what I hear can have things ranging from Band-Aids to collapsible cups, but it does the job. So my fellow men, on a cold winter day, with your hand in your pockets and head tucked below your collar, rejoice in knowing that you have all you need and possible a little bit more contained in your jacket. You no longer have to stuff your things in your pockets, that is until late spring of course, at which point we’re screwed.

On Hummus and Aliens

The hummus revolution is taking Canada by storm. For one, Microsoft Word recognized the word, and did not draw that ugly, red, squiggly line underneath the word. Marketed as “healthy alternative” and “vegetarian certified” it’s not hard to see why it would be so popular. Plus, it tastes great.

But that’s besides the point. As far as I’m concerned, hummus is the latest victim of Capitalist bastardization of a great classic. Variations on hummus available in the supermarket these days inclu

de: spicy hummus, roasted garlic hummus, masala hummus, avocado hummus... among others. I told a friend of mine as I opened the fridge at work, seeing at least 4 varitites of hummus “we’ve been eating hummus for 3,000 years, recipe mainly unchanged. It only took a year for hummus to lose its identity.” This is the culture we live in.

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I can’t help but think that as we get more technologically advanced our written culture is becoming less and less traceable. Most of what we know about the culture of ancient civilizations is through carvings, tablets, and other “concrete” forms of communication. As we start putting things on servers, CD’s, and USB drives we’re making our written culture less and less visible. It takes a pair of eyes to see the first alphabet ever created. It takes 100 years worth of technology to read an email. Soon enough the only way we’ll be able to read a Charles Dickens novel will be through a Kindle, or a computer monitor.

If a meteor were to strike our planet, and thousands of years later we are visited by extraterrestrials, how much of our written culture will they come across. I have a feeling those same tablets that we marvel at in museums will still be around, while my CD with 2,000 ebooks will be looked upon as some sort toy for children.

Thoughts from a Saturday trip to the store

As winter takes its last few breaths, and as the snow melts revealing the yellow grass underneath it, Canadians are taking to the streets and to the hardware stores, anxious to start the summer season complete with camping, road trips, and endless BBQ’s. Motor cycles are back on the streets, their riders who have be waiting patiently for the day the temperatures turn above 5 Celsius seem to have maintained their obnoxious driving skills from last year.

I needed new wiper blades, so naturally I visited the nearest Canadian Tire to pick up some wipers and some car washing necessities. The store was flooded with people despite it being less than ideal outside. The seasonal department is already full of BBQ’s, gazebos, water toys, and patio furniture. I left the monstorous plaza built a few years ago, and lined with box stores like Home Depot, Wal-Mart and Old Navy. While waiting in a line of 5 cars or so at the stop sign waiting for my turn, a guy in a raised door-less Jeep with monster tires decided to cut me off, and speed his trip home by a second or two. As the Jeep sped away I couldn’t help but smile at the complete ignorance this guy must live in. The price of a litre of gas is already at a dollar, and we’re still dealing with a stagnant economy. I can’t begin to imagine the fuel economy of his unnecessarily oversized car, and given his driving habits, I figured he would be trading his car in for a Smart car in a few years. This recession has unfortunately made people believe that the price of gas we saw prior the recession was all part of the “bubble”.

I continue driving home and I come across another big box store, this one though is a grocery store, one of about 3 in a 2 km radius. The store, like all others, features foods from all over the world. Clementines from Morocco, strawberries from Mexico, and oranges from South Africa, sold to you by a friendly cashier wearing a uniform made in China, using a computer made in Taiwan. Across the checkout is the Wine Rack, a store within a store, selling wines from Ontario, Australia, France, among many others. A few more turns and I’m home.

I pass a Petro Canada gas station on the way, across from a Tim Horton’s, Canada’s favourite coffee shop. Both the gas stations and the coffee station have something in common, a line of cars idling patiently waiting for their turn. At Tim’s the cars are at a drive-thru, possibly the worst idea in the food industry’s history of horrible ideas. The cars inch slowly forward, the average car idling for about 5 minutes before the order is filled. At the gas station the wait in line is much longer, and the wait is not to fill gas but to get a car wash. Across Canada I thought there must be thousands of cars idling at that moment waiting for their turn to come.

I’m finally home. I jump on the internet and log onto facebook. Some friends posted pictures of their latest trip to Cuba. Another posted fresh pictures from her most recent mall harvest... I counted 5 boxes of shoes. The comments on the pictures are full of overtones of confessed jealousy and congratulations.

How long can we maintain this lifestyle?

Your Two-Step Guide to Small Talk

We’re all faced with those awkward moments in social settings where we are forced to make “small talk” with someone. These situations are abundant when one starts a new job, or at a party, or even while waiting in line at the supermarket. Sometimes we’re lucky enough to run into someone talkative and creating small talk is a breeze. At other times creating small talk is like pulling teeth.

Recently, I have had more than my fair share of awkward encounters. In some I was successful in taking the conversation from small talk to big talk, if you will, while in others the conversation just ended with a blank stare. I have always thought that it was much easier to be friendly than not. Some people, I have noticed, go to great lengths to avoid eye contact just to avoid saying hello. I could never wrap my head around that. A smile doesn’t hurt, and is far easier than pretending to be busy texting a friend. This is the same reason that I try to make small talk when I can, it is simply the easy way out.

But to make small talk one has to have a Swiss Army knife equivalent of conversation starters. There are universal things that all people love to talk/complain about. Talking about the weather is the easiest example. The weather impacts all of us, whether in the way it forces us to dress, or in how affects our commute to work. In Canada, the weather is a very passionate subject for many. People get quite animated about it and for good reason of course. Popular events are also a hit, but with this one a person needs to gauge their audience. The 55 year old HR manager might not keep up with the latest news from the R&B music scene, and similarly the lazy couch potato who keeps up with every sitcom on television might not know about the newest changes to auto insurance laws. It certainly helps to be informed in a wide-array of subject, because like a Swiss Army knife, you have to have be versatile and have the right line for the right time. But if you’re the sitcom-watching-couch potato or the 55 year old HR manager and you’re too lazy to read up on things then what do you do?

Well, worry no more, for I hae created a systematic method of creating small talk. Simply follow my two step program and put your hands and feet in cold water (Syrian idiom meaning relax). First, determine the time of the year. Second, use one of the lines provided. Allow me to example...

Christmas Time:

“Have you finished buying gifts yet?”

“Kids toys are so elaborate nowadays?” Could be followed up with “Back in my day...”

“Have you seen this new toy...”

“What do you think would make a good gift for an X year old girl?”

“The mall is crazy nowadays!”

“Why do people leave their shopping till last minute?”

After New Year:

“So what did you end up doing for NYE?”

“This is the only year we’re going to be alive for, where the last two digits are exactly double the first two” This is for the mathematically gifted, and only works in 2010. Next time you can use it, people of the future, is on 2211, 2412, 2613 etc.

“Did you see the fireworks downtown?” if they say “No” reply “Neither did I” at least it’ll get you a laugh.

If you’re comfortable with making dumb remarks, comment on people’s clothes saying “that was so last year” if they have a sense of humour it should lead to a conversation.

Valentine’s:

“You have to wonder how many teddy bears are sold each year on Valentines..”

“You know what I love Valentines? All the chocolate”

“Are you planning anything special?”

“Valentine’s day is such a scam!”

Spring time:

“Ahh, why did they have to change the time on us?!”

“I love seeing the trees come alive again”

“Planning any outdoors projects this spring?”

“Have you started your spring cleaning yet?”

Summer Time:

“Where are you going on vacation?”

“Do you enjoy camping?”

“I went on this really nice bike trail last weekend...”

“Did you end up going to the cottage this weekend?

Halloween:

“What are you dressing up as?”

“I saw this really funny/weird/awesome costume in the store?”

“Going to a Halloween party this year?”

Thanksgiving:

“Are you getting together with the family?”

“Making turkey this year?”

“Have you heard of deep fried turkeys? It’s getting popular in the US”

“So why are they called Turkeys? Did they come from Turkey? It must take them a long time to walk over here” You should get at least a pity laugh for this lame attempt at a Seinfeld joke.

Winter Time:

“How was the drive this morning?”

“Global warming my ass!” Requires a younger audience.

“Do people lose all driving skills during winter?”

“Have you heard of the series of snow storms we’re getting?”

All of the above are Canada biased, in case you couldn’t tell.

As you can see there are plenty of conversation starters at your disposal. You should never run into an awkward situation again. If you find yourself having trouble still, please email me and include the country you live in, major holidays, climate, and popular TV shows and we can go from there.

Giving Equality to Women - The Muslim Canadian Way

Let’s recap. The Supreme Council of Al Azhar in Egypt approved a ban on wearing the niqab in their schools. A few days later, the Muslim Canadian Congress made a call to the federal government to prohibit women from wearing niqabs and burkas in public. Ironically the reasoning for their call is “covering one’s face has no place in a society that supports gender equality.” Because as we all know, a bunch of men deciding what a woman is allowed and not allowed to wear is a sure way of creating equality.

Now I’m not sure what the real motive was behind their idiotic call. Maybe it was an attempt at disassociating themselves from the extremist image that the media has so cleverly imprinted in our minds. Perhaps it was the other reason they stated for their call: the Quran doesn’t call for a woman to dress in a niqab or burka. But why should a woman dress according to the Quran anyway? I’m not an expert on the Quran, but I don’t think the holy book calls for men to grow beards, especially long, unkempt ones. If we’re making rules here, then we should keep the ball rolling and introduce some rules for men, such as trimming their beard every once in a while. Quite frankly I think Bin Ladin style beards are so 2003. Muslim men should project a more modern look.

To be honest, I’m not a big fan of the burka, niqab, or hijab even, in the same way that I don’t like earrings on men. So What? One of the beautiful things about society is that people are different. How dull would the world be if we were al identical. I’m not oblivious to the fact that some women are forced to wear burkas or niqabs, but does enforcing a ban on such things really solve the problem? What about the women who actually like to wear burkas? Why should we have the right to ban them from wearing something that makes them feel comfortable?

Society or government should never enforce rules on what people should dress like. A person should dress and present themselves however they like to. We start with banning the niqab and who knows what comes next. In a country that prides itself in its freedom multiculturalism there is no place for such rules. By expressing such a ridiculous call, the Muslim Canadian Congress has reinforced the same stereotypes they were trying to get rid themselves of.

Reminiscing Ramadan

So here I am jumping on the Ramadan post bandwagon, like any good blogger would do. In the few years I have been blogging I don’t think I ever posted something longer than a Happy Ramadan post. I think it’s because I’m never really that excited about the month, except for the odd Syrian drama that I look forward to.

My memories of Ramadan are from the time I lived back in Syria. Ramadan then came during the winter time, and this is the only way I can picture it. I remember going to school early in the morning with my friends, in the school yard we would all ask each other if we were fasting or not. The litmus test, if you will, to determine whether someone was lying is in the colour of their tongue. If it was white than you passed the test, otherwise you were taunted. Although there was always one annoying kid who related the white tongue to eating labneh (dried yogurt) in the morning.

At the time my grandparents lived one floor above us, and we would often join them along with my aunts and uncles to break the fast. We would have salads, soup, and all kind of delicacies just waiting to be devoured. The TV would be set to Syria Channel 1, and we would wait for the official call of prayer from the Omayad Mosque, and at that very moment you could hear the call of prayer from the myriad of mosques dotting Damascus. Usually my grandmother would be still busy in the kitchen even after the iftar, working on every last detail of the meal. On occasion, when I got back from school, I would be sent to the neighbourhood grocer, or produce shop to buy this or that. I would ride my bike, fully knowing that I’m going to have a few kilos hanging on each side of the handle bar. On the way I would see tens of other boys, and men running around from shop to another arranging those last minute details.

After Iftar the family would gather to watch a musalsal (Syrian drama), accompanied of course with a cup of hot tea, and any number of great deserts like knafeh, mshabbak, or bakalawa. The streets after Iftar are usually busy with people, some there simply to get out, others to shop for Eid. The atmosphere is more festive than I have ever experienced.

At night, about an hour before the break of dawn, I would get a call from my grandfather to go upstairs and join them for suhoor, the meal that’s supposed to give you that last push for the tough day ahead. On our street one man had stuck to old tradition and went through the alleys of the neighbourhood at night, repeating traditional phrases, while knocking on people’s doors, trying to wake them up for the all too important meal. Ramadan to me was the best time of the year, as I’m sure it is for most people in Syria.

Here in Canada the story is different as you can imagine. Celebrating Ramadan in Canada is like celebrating Christmas in Qatar. You might find people who follow traditions, people who are excited about the month, but the one thing you will never find is the atmosphere. I think this is why I love Christmas time so much. In a way it’s a replacement of the atmosphere I miss.

But I’m excited. Next year Ramadan will creep even closer into summer, and in a few years I will be able to experience the great atmosphere all over again during summer vacation. I will be experience Ramadan during the summer for the first time, and hopefully create great memories of a brand new Ramadan.

Summer finally started!

I woke up this morning to the sound of thunder in the sky. I am not the type who is scared by thunder, but today was a little different. I was certain the lightning bolts were arcing within a kilometre radius from my house. The sound was louder than I have ever heard. I got up, went through my morning routine and went back to video tape mother nature’s fine work. By then it had calmed down a bit, but as you can see it was still raining heavily.

Within an hour of what you saw above, the weather took a 180 degree turn as it often does. Summer has been greatly missed this year. The temperature barely made it above 25, and we were bombarded with rain weekly. As far as I‘m concerned today was the first day of summer, despite the little misbehaviour this morning. After it rained humidity soared to a 100%, the sun shined, and all the neighbours commenced working on their weekend projects. Having no weekend project to work on, the only logical alternative was a barbeque outside. Upon announcing the plan my mother worked quickly in preparing many delights including chicken breasts marinated with her secret marinate (let me know you if you’re interested), grilled vegetables dipped in an olive oil, balsamic vinegar, basil and garlic concoction, and Marina. Marina uses the same beef/onion/parsely/spices mixture used in Kebab but instead of cooking on a skewer it’s cooked inside a pita. And what better way to cool you down in this hot, humid weather than a cool Hoegaren.

While barbequing all of you guys really came to mind. How I wished we could all share the first day of summer together with good food, good drinks, and great weather. The best I could do is share a few visuals.

A better look at our attempt at making Marina

It was so humid the camera lense fogged up as soon as I stepped out

A healthy flame cooking the chicken

Gaining Weight is a Problem?

Is it just me are we all surrounded by the diet hysteria? A quick search on Google shows

that “6.8 million Canadian adults ages 20 to 64 were overweight, and an additional 4.5 million were obese” which happens to be more

than a third of Canada’s population. So maybe it’s not me after all, it’s an epidemic and you don’t have to look far to see it. Of course marketing gurus are all over this and they’re trying to milk it for what it’s worth. For instance as I was walking through the supermarket today I saw for the first time the “100 calorie Doritos” bags, which basically consist of 2 chips. In another aisle I saw airplane style Coke cans also claiming 100 calories. Go into any other aisle and your senses are assaulted by “fat free” this and “baked, not fried” that. At the core of all of this is the same crap quality food that caused obesity in the first place, but in smaller portions. Have people no will power to stop eating chips from the big bags? Or to stop drinking soft drinks altogether? Do we need to miniaturize everything we buy to miniaturize ourselves?

Thinking about the measures the effort that people have to go through to slim up I’m surprised at myself for that realizing the irony behind the phrase “gaining weight”. To me gaining is associated with something positive. People don’t gain problems, stress or bad health, so why do they gain weight? Maybe I’m just stuck with the North American mentality. Food is abundant here and accessible to all. For the majority of the world gaining weight is a good thing, something desired, something out of the norm. Obesity is an “epidemic” only in North America. Nowhere else in the world are you going to hear people complain about having too much food... The more I think about this dichotomy the more I feel like we’re living in an Orwellian world.

Missing: Victoria Stafford

Update: Victoria alleged killers have been arrested, bringing a tragic end to this horrible story.

I haven’t been getting my usual dose of local news lately and such I have missed Victoria Stafford’s story, a 3^rd grader who appears to be the latest victim of kidnapping. The story hits close to home in a town about half an hour of where I live. The innocent victim was caught on video “show[ing] a woman in a white puffy coat and black pants walking side-by-side with the Grade Three pupil. [With] no sign of a struggle.” (source) Parents are pleading on facebook, and traditional media trying to raise awareness.

I shudder when I hear stories like this. I cannot comprehend how any human can do harm to any other, let alone an innocent child. I hope that Victoria is okay, and that she will reappear soon.

In the meantime if you happen to live in Canada take a good look at this picture and spread the word.

Isobel compiled a list of websites containing a list of all missing children along with information for parents on protecting their children.

Missing Children Society of Canada
ChildFind Canada
RCMP - Our Missing Children

On corporate marketing, multi-blade razors, and snow

Just when we thought it was all over we were hit with another snow storm. This winter is putting up a good fight and doesn’t want to give up just yet. It looked like a blizzard outside all day today, and it’s going to continue into tomorrow. I guess that’s why I appreciate spring and summer so much.

I’m really bothered by big corporations trying to “green” their image just from a marketing perspective. Putting a hybrid badge and painting an SUV green doesn’t make it fuel efficient and certainly doesn’t make your fleet of cards environmentally friendly. Hear that GM and Ford? And to all other corporations trying to sell me on e-billing by saying “Help save the environment, choose paperless bills” I say bullshit. It’s more like help save us some postage stamps, and paper costs. If you care about the environment you wouldn’t stuff my mailbox with flyers about your latest cell phone plans, and new high speed internet service.

I lost my old Gillette razor, which I had for over 10 years now. I tried the new Gillette Fusion with 4 blades, comfort grip, and a trimming a blade at the back, and it sucked. I jumped from store to store on the weekend to try and spot a Gillette Sensor Excel. After a lot of searching I was finally found it at Wallmart. It really made my day. I’ve already ranted about the ridiculous competition between Schick and Gillette in adding more blades to razors, so I won’t do it again. Although I’m tempted…