Brainstorming a solution to a 2 week old problem

About tow and a half weeks ago I took the plunge… into work life that is. Unlike my previous 4 month affairs with jobs, this one is for good, well at least compared to student positions. So far it’s been good, the position promises a lot of travelling, which could be exciting depending on the location.

The lifestyle of a working Canadian never impressed me. Unlike their European brothers, Canadians get much less vacation time, along with longer work hours. Add to that a long commute to work, and you got yourself a recipe for boring weekdays, and the possibility of a fun Friday or Saturday night. The realization that this lifestyle could last for about 40 years is pretty depressing, and that’s why I will start buying lottery tickets.

One thing that really annoys me at work is the lack of microwaves! This seems to annoy everyone at work, but for some reason, be it building owner or management, microwaves are not allowed. So the options for eating lunch are either a sandwich (s pretty scary nowadays considering the Listeria outbreak in Canada), cold leftovers (tried it yesterday and it sucked), or buying lunch from the cafeteria, food from which is hit and miss at best.

So for the past two weeks I have been thinking about different ways to heat my food, and here’s what I came up with:

- Bring a hotplate to work (probably not allowed)

- Use coffee mug warmers( allowed but could be ineffective for heating pasta and such)

- Use a tealight (I know that’s going to be a fire hazard)

- Place food on top of mug of hot water (I can see localized heating here)

- Place food in hot water batch (messy, and could bring undesired attention)

- Get the Coleman heating “cooler” (bulky and needs good disguise)

- Running a water loop through the computer and around the food container (complicated, and inconvenient)

As you can see I have given this a lot of thought. All of the solutions some drawbacks, but I’m sure one of them will be at least somewhat effective. Now, here’s where I need your help. Do you have a better method in mind? Out of the ones I listed which do you recommend?

Fourth year business

Ahhh. Things have been really busy lately. Fourth year seemed like it was going to be less work than the previous years. I thought that we paid our dues and they (the profs) would just let us coast a bit for the final year. Class hours are considerably less. There are no tutorials, no major labs, just HUGE assignments and projects. A 15 page essay here, a design report there, and looking for a full time job in between. It all adds up to a busy a year with little to no motivation to do any work. I never had the motivation to begin with, but this year is proving to be even worse. Is it because I’m close to being done?

On other hand I don’t want to finish school. I was thinking the other night, while trying to fall asleep at about 4 am, about what awaits me after a few months. It’s scary! I’ve considered grad school, but so far I’m not really pumped about an research going on around here. I have done my research and applied to places that I really believe will provide a rewarding career, and I have an interview for one of those places tomorrow. I’m nervous, but I’m sure it’ll go fine.

One thing I like about the job I have an interview for is the flexible start date. When I asked the hiring engineer she said that I can start after the Labour Day weekend, which means I can spend my summer backpacking in Europe, pay a nice long visit to Syria, and perhaps explore some neighbouring countries as well.

Another reason I have been especially busy this term is due to my increased involvement in clubs, and soccer. I wanted my last year of university to be socially rewarding. I wanted to meet more people, make some long term friends, especially since once I leave it’ll be hard meeting people randomly. University, I thought, was a great repertoire of interesting and cool people conveniently grouped together.

On another note, I remember promising to tell you about my final design project, so here’s a brief description of what it is. According to my power point presentation to the profs my project is “a retrofit-able sorting mechanism to sort garbage and recyclables for use in high rise residential buildings.” In simple words, it a mechanism that detects garbage from recycling as the bag is speeding down the garbage chute, and then sorts it accordingly. We’re hoping to reduce the amount of recyclable material usually thrown down the chute by making it more convenient to recycle, which reduces landfill volumes by at least 20%. In most building a resident has to go all the way to the first floor to throw out the recycling, with our design you just deposit it in the chute and forget it about. Are you sold yet?

Once I have some drawings I’ll post them online. My partner and I are planning to build a scale-model of the system next term. If everything goes smoothly I’ll post a video with the mechanism in action.

For now I better get back the lab, or is it the essay?

Corporate Bullshit

Nothing pisses me off more than Corporate Bullshit. I’m not sure why Corporate Bullshit (CBS from here on in) works me up, but then again, people have the weirdest pet peeves. If you worked for a big company then you know what I’m talking about. It’s those stupid acronyms, play on words, and ‘clever wording’ that makes a bunch of executives feel good about themselves. I can just imagine a bunch of executives sitting around a big board roam table trying to come up with a catch phrase to get employee moral up, or to increase sales of a certain product.

So what is CBS? And what are some examples?

Toyota doesn’t hire employees, they hire, get this, Team Members. You cannot mention to your boss that “somebody on the floor got hurt” you have to say “a team member got hurt.” And that’s an example of CBS.

You know how Cottonelle toilet paper was changed to Cashmere? “Because there’s nothing softer than Cashmere.” How sensitive are people’s asses that such wording would have an impact? I would love to heat the market study they ran before changing the name. “Ok Ma’am, one last question, would you rather wipe your bottom with cotton or cashmere?” The funny thing about this CBS is that product name was only changed in Eastern Canada. Apparently we’re a little pickier than most when it comes to personal hygiene.

How about McDonald’s “I’m Lovin’ It.” That’s your prime example of CBS. While where on the subject of McD’s, one instance of CBS that I particularly hated was that “Smiles are Free” was on the menu. I’ve heard “Well, I’ll have a Big Mac and a free smile” about a million times, and you know what? The customer did not get their free smile, contrary to McD’s CEO thought. Customers have to earn a smile, especially when you’re dressed in a shirt that was a hand-me-down from a previous employee, you had grease all over your pants and hands, and you practically had to moonwalk your way through the kitchen while holding a bag a bag full of a food, and a bunch of drinks.

While we’re on work experience, I worked at an automotive company two years ago as an intern. As a “continuous improvement exercise” we had to come up with ideas to save ourselves time, like putting a hole punch at every desk. The more ideas you had, the more GEAR points you earned. Yes, GEAR here stands as the example of CBS. GEAR stood for “Great Effort Achieving Results” or something along those lines. Clearly, someone started with the word GEAR, and tried to fit the acronym into it. After all it was an automotive company, and GEARs are extensively used in cars. What I found and funny… and sad, was how worked up some people got over somebody stealing their GEAR suggestions, and how people kept up with who was at the top of the GEAR point list. So what did GEAR points get you? No, it wasn’t a raise but rather, another brilliant example of CBS, company related clothes and the likes.

The other day I was at a Capgemini info session when I heard the best example of Corporate Bullshit in a long time. While talking about the services the company offers, the lady mentioned Offshoring. After mentioning which, she explained to us Capgemini trademarked the term “Rightshoring” “since Capgemini will the find the right shore for you!” Oh the humanity! Can you get any cheesier than this? At that point I wanted to walk out of the session, but then I noticed the food preparations happening outside the meeting room. After going through her spiel, she enthusiastically introduced her co-worker who started there months ago, but who has made great strides since then, Tom. Tom talked about the friendly environment of the office, and flat structure of the corporation, which he had apparently climbed fast. He mentioned some of the programs that bring people together at the company like the PAL program, don’t even ask what cheesy term that stood for, as I was getting really hungry by then. An example of a PAL event the he mentioned was a scavenger hunt through Toronto. The event would have sounded cool if I was lonely, and enjoyed running around a city at night with colleagues from work, trying to find clues, so we could win a BIG PRIZE, instead of partying it up with friends and good looking women. I forgot to mention that the event was to take place on Friday night. I would rather be working on an essay at home rather than solving clues with overworked business men and women.

These were just some of the few examples of CBS that we encounter on a daily basis. If you have some to share, please don’t hesitate, I can never say no Corporate Bullshit.